NOW YOU KNOW WHY SATAN IS BAD!!! FUNNY

ALONG CAME SATIN                               article by:  James Thomas Fridas
                                        
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I read this a while back and thought that you would get a kick out of this humor, ironic and funny at the same time!!!

In the beginning, God created the Heaven & the Earth 

& populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower, spinach,

green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so that 

man would live long & healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben & Jerry's 

ice cream & Krispy Cream donuts. And Satan said, 

"You want chocolate with that?" And man said, "Yes!"

And woman said, "And as long as you're at it, add some

sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds, and Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that woman might 

keep the figure that man found so fair. And satan brought

forth white flour & sugar & combined them. And woman 

went from a size 6 to a size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan 

presented Thousand-island dressing, buttery croutons 

and garlic toast on the side. And man & woman had to

get bigger belts.

God then said, "I've sent you heart heart healthy 

vegetables & olive oil in which to cook them." 

And Satan brought forth deep fried fish & chicken 

fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And man 

gained weight & his cholesterol went through the roof.

God created a light fluffy white cake and named it 

"Angel Food Cake," and said, "it is good." Satan

then created chocolate cake & named it "Devils 

Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His 

children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan

gave them cable TV with a remote control so that 

man would not have to toil changing the channels.

And man & woman laughed before the flickering 

blue light and gained pounds.

God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat 

and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled 

off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy center 

into chips and deep fried them. And man gained 

pounds.

God then gave them lean beef so man might

consume fewer calories and still satisfy his 

appetite. And Satan created McDonald's 

and its 99 cent double cheeseburger. Then 

said, "you want fries with that?" And man said,

"yes, and super size them!" And Satan said, 

"it is good." And man went into cardiac arrest....

God sighed & created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created the Obama healthcare system.

Amen

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IF THIS AIN'T FUNNY YOUR NAME IS WOOD FACE!!!

THIS IS HILARIOUS!       article by:  James Thomas Fridas

JULY 1, 2015                                            Attention ladies please do read this!

A friend of mine emailed me this before he passed away last year and forgot that I had it, I thought it was humorous and thought you guys would get a laugh out of the bazaar world we seem to be living in!   All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.  Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it's generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen.

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.     The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.  Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer..

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.   Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.  Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.      Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.  This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of   what to  do with them.      If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.   ************************************************************************

FUNNY FROM JIM FRIDAS

You may remember Steve Bridges as the guy who imitated George Bush so well on the Jay Leno Show. He has now started imitating Obama and REALLY does it really well. The Administration has tried to put a stop to Bridges' act, because Obama has made it known that he is deeply offended. Yes, he's that good....... Use the link below: http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?feature=player_embedded&v=WH_a0cGVRmI

A POLITICIANS DREAM so funny!

HEAVEN OR HELL               article by:  James Thomas Fridas

While walking down the street one day a corrupt senator (that may be redundant) was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St.. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.

In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends

and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake

his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the

expense of the people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it,

it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St.

Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven...”;

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls

moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time

and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell...

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren

land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls to the ground.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil smiles at him and says,

"Yesterday we were campaigning,

Today, you voted.."

Vote wisely on

November 6, 2016

ANOTHER RAT

RATS AMORE!                   article by:  James Thomas Fridas

July 4, 2015                                 this is hilarious!

For all you rat lovers out there here is your daily fix of rats!

Bronze Rat

A tourist from the Midwest walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco .

While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat.

It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it.

He took it to the old shop owner and asked, "How much for the bronze rat?"

"Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat, and $100 for the story," said the wise old Chinaman.

The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story", he said.

As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street.

This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster.

A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.

Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward the Bay. After a couple more blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the THOUSANDS, and were squealing louder and louder -- and were coming toward him faster and faster.

Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.

Amazingly, the thousands of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat, and were all drowned.

The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown . "Ahhh," said the owner, "You have come back for story, yes?

"Are you kidding?," said the man,

"I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat!"
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JEFF FOXWORTHY

WHICH SIDE OF THE FENCE POST   article by:  Jeff Foxworthy



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Copyright © 2013 [JAMES THOMAS FRIDAS]. All Rights Reserved
If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!

If a Republican doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a Democrat doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A Democrat wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Democrats demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.

If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A Democrat demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a Republican reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A Democrat will delete it because he's "offended".

Well, I forwarded it.
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An illegal alien,

A Muslim,

And a communist

Walk into a bar.

The bartender asks,

"What can I get you

Mr President?"
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